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Fingertip Knowledge
The age of fingertip knowledge is upon us; we will type our way into the future.
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Social Networks as a Learning Disruptor
Knowledge systems should be supported by social networks of people who talk about that knowledge.
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How to Have a Difficult Conversation
Peter Bregman waits for the third time before engaging in a difficult conversation. To wait longer makes the conversation more difficult.
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Connection Through Knowledge Flow
Knowledge flow means giving people voice. It occurs when everyone proactively seeks the ideas of others, shares ideas and opinions honestly, and safeguards relational connections.
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What is Executive Intelligence?
Executive intelligence is asking the right questions and probing for the truth.
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Reacting to Critical Feedback
When faced with critical feedback or when dealing with negative situations, it is important to act with intention rather than react with emotion.
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Negotiating in Everyday Life
Negotiation doesn't just happen in boardrooms; it's part of everyone's everyday life.
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Negotiating is a Form of Selling
Negotiation can be viewed as a final step in the selling process.
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Negotiating is Talking and Listening
In negotiations, your words can make or break a deal. Rob Brown gives you seven tips to get the best outcome.
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Negotiating Mistakes
Mistakes can be difficult to recover from, so it’s best to avoid them from the start.
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Negotiating Signals
In a negotiation, even your body language can influence the outcome.
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Negotiating Tips
Not everyone plays nicely in negotiations, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the victim.
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Negotiating Conversations
When your mind is prepared, you’re in the best possible position to get the results you want.
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Learning How to Listen
Listening is one of the most important skills you have as a leader; learn to do it better.
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Belief Systems
Each person has a unique and individual belief system that influences any given situation.
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Influence is Pull, Not Push
Influence is the act of drawing people in by attraction, not pushing them or using force.
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Empathy
People skills are possibly the most important skills you can master as a leader.
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Respond Instead of React
Instead of reacting, respond with persuasion. You'll be more like to get the result you want.
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Characteristics of Feedback Groups
Feedback groups described in the book “True North Groups” are voluntary, with diverse viewpoints and experiences, that provide honest feedback for each other. A set of twelve topics is recommended for the first twelve meetings, dealing with personal life experiences.
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Creating a Feedback Group
The best way to start a group is to pick two friends you like to be with, then invite others to form a group of about 6-8 people. The group should start with a two-day off-site retreat, to break down barriers. Once they get going, groups can meet via Skype or other media.
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Raising Engagement Through Email Relief
Email is addictive. Checking email elicits dopamine, a drug that makes us feel good. To dial back, define an elapsed time to response, times when you’re not checking email, use the phone or talk directly, control your email settings, and pack information in the subject line.
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Building Influence Inside Your Company
To build your influence as a leader, share your ideas and knowledge.
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The Right and Wrong Way to Network
Success at networking takes effort, but these five simple steps show you how to make a good first impression and sustain the relationship for the long term.
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Getting Others to Listen When You’re Not Seen as an Expert
To get others to listen, you need to make them see you as an expert—even if they do not see you as one.
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Networking for Introverts
Introverts and others can ease networking jitters by preparing for networking opportunities before coming face to face with them.
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Persuasive Presentation
Give the appearance of ease even if you’re nervous, use a dynamic tone of voice, and speak directly to different people.
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Responding to Feedback
Keep your response to leadership feedback positive, simple, focused, and fast. Say thank you and avoid promising to change what you cannot.
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Listening Requires Caring
Listening requires caring and there are some really simple steps you can take to become a better listener.
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Be an Olympic Listener
Leadership is about listening. Be a sponge, open to everything. Be the last one to speak. His executive coach said he had to be an Olympic listener. To make the transition from Olympic talker to Olympic listener, Carl Ortell practiced with mentorships and staff meetings.
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The Best Leaders are Great Teachers: Part 2
On-the-spot feedback is a major component of being a great leader and a great teacher.
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Involve Your Audience to Improve Presentations
Getting listeners actively involved in your presentation raises your efficacy exponentially.
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Storytelling Improves Retention Rates
Storytelling is the best way to help listeners retain information.
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Use Leverage to Resolve Conflict
When you know why people want to resolve conflict, your role as facilitator becomes easier.
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How to Give Charismatic Presentations
Four clear steps can make you a more charismatic presenter.
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Better Presentations Improve Audience Retention
Speeches are often belabored with too much information. Nick Morgan shares two key ways to improve audience retention.
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Follow the Blinking Word to Better Listening
Follow the blinking words to help you pay attention when people are talking.
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What to Do When You’re Being Undermined
It is inevitable that at some point in your career, another employee will try to undermine your reputation.
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Listening: You Need to Hear the Unspoken
As a leader, oftentimes it’s challenging to hear the unspoken – read what’s happening around you and interpret it correctly – as you’re moving in a fast-paced world. For leaders the only way you will hear the unspoken, is by bringing the outside in.
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How To Be Persuasive
Jay Conger identifies four key things it takes to become a powerful persuader.
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Communicating with the People Most Important to You
For meaningful and important communications, role-playing ahead of the actual conversation leads to greater clarity and insight for those involved.
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The Necessary Art of Persuasion
Jay Conger studies influential leaders and change agents who are masters of constructive persuasion. He’s distilled their skills into four fundamental dimensions that anyone can learn. In this keynote, Jay shares the techniques and practices that you can deploy to get your colleagues to support your ideas and initiatives. These are skills you never learned in school but are the trademarks of influential people.
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Defining Moments Come During Difficult Times
Terri Kelly reflects on a moment of truth in her career at Gore, when she was part of a management team of the fabrics division.
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Four Types of Conversations
The four types of conversations are building relationships, developing others, making decisions, and taking action.
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The Best Use of Emails
Vent first, then delete. Pick up the phone instead or have an in-person conversation.
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Captivate Everyone You Meet and Never Be Forgotten, Overlooked or Interrupted Again
As a human behavior hacker, Vanessa Van Edwards created a research lab to study the hidden forces that drive us. And she’s cracked the code. In this keynote, blending powerful research with hilarious stories, Vanessa shares shortcuts, systems, and secrets for taking charge of your interactions at work, at home, and in any social situation. These aren’t the people skills you learned in school.
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Magic Phrases That Persuade Others
Magic Phrase #1, “I suggest,” says what you want. Magic Phrase #2, “Notice,” says what to pay attention to. Magic Phrase #3, “You can,” encourages the other person to imagine what you want. Magic Phrase #4, “Now,” says when you want it done.
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Body Language for Persuasion
Matching body language says you two are alike, which relaxes the other person by lowering their stress, and helps you get to “yes” more quickly.
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Verbal Language for Effective Influence
People are kinesthetic, auditory, visual, or auditory/digital (interested in details). To persuade someone use words they prefer, like “grasp” (kinesthetic), “see” and “appear” (visual), “that sounds good” and “rings a bell” (auditory), and “consider” (auditory/digital).
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Qualities of Influential Managers
Influential managers 1) don’t worry about what other people think; leadership is not about popularity; 2) are resilient; everyone has setbacks; and 3) have empathic understanding of other people; they can see the world through other people’s eyes.
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Communicating Virtually
Virtual communication has replaced much of traditional face-to-face communication, and it can sometimes lead to confusion.
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Email and Emotions
Email tends to overwhelm people at every level of employment, but it can be controlled.
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Putting Emotions into Digital Communications
The digital era of communications requires intentional adding-in of emotional expression.
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Connect With Others
Humans aren’t meant to live in isolation, either at work or at home. People need socialization.
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Email Triage
Email saves both time and money, but it does need to be managed appropriately. Are you managing your email, or is email managing you?
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Keep Video Conferences Short
The unconscious mind makes hard work of video conferences, so keep those calls short.
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Paying Attention on Conference Calls
Virtual communication is great as long as people don’t tune out of the conversation. Get people engaged by getting them to participate.
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The Biggest Problem with Virtual Communication
Because virtual communication limits sensory feedback, people new to learn a new way of talking to each other.
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How to Disagree
You can disagree without being disagreeable, and knowing how to disagree helps everyone.
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Get to the Point
Skip the yawn-inducing introduction and get down to business—you’ll build a more persuasive case.
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Clear Communication
Don’t assume you’re being a clear communicator; make sure you’re being heard and understood.
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Five Best Practices to Prevent Business Writing Blunders
Poor writing skills can hinder or even sink your credibility, but a few smart tips will keep your writing in top form.
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Elevator Conversations
Ditch the worn-out elevator pitch and aim for an engaging conversation instead.
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Treat Feedback As Data
When you depersonalize feedback you can view it as data, not as someone who is attacking you.
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Effective Feedback
To provide effective feedback, 1) explain why you are providing the feedback; 2) identify specific behaviors, with examples; 3) describe the consequences of those behaviors; 4) brainstorm a new behavior together; and 5) share your fears about providing the feedback.
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Leadership Presence: When to Go Big and When to Go Small
Liz Wiseman gave a too-talkative leader 5 poker chips, representing five chances to speak for 30-120 seconds during a two-day strategic retreat. When the leader used his chips effectively the team built and owned an effective strategy.
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How Leaders Can Influence Others
To influence others in times of change ask, “What do you want?” People are not asked that question very often. They usually tell you what they don’t want. Keep asking, “What do you want?” It’s a simple way to influence others.
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Constructing a Powerful Presentation
For a dynamic presentation, follow the steps that Tracey Matisak outlines in this video.
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Owning the Room: Keys to Presenting with Confidence and Credibility
Most people fear public speaking more than they fear death, but public speaking only takes practice and P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E.
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Crafting Compelling Message Points
Decide what you want your audience to remember. Boil it down to two or three key points, then collect information to back up your message points.
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Real Influence
To be more influential 1) go for a great outcome; 2) listen past your blind spot; 3) go to their there, let go of your here, and satisfy their three gets: their situation, them in their situation, and where they want to go; and 4) when you’ve done enough, do more.
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Listen Without Memory or Desire
When you listen with memory or desire you’re trying to stuff the other person into a personal agenda. Instead, listen as a PAL — Purposeful Agenda-less Listening. Your purpose is to make them feel understood, validated and inspired to work with you.
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Four Levels of Listening
Removed listening is insulting; others feel you’re not involved. Reactive listening is infuriating; you’re taking everything personally. Responsible listening is listening as usual. Receptive listening is empathic; it tries to understand and respond to the other person.
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Affluence to Influence
Political systems try to influence through capital, but Gen Z is showing that you don’t need money. You only need access to a community of like-minded people. Dove’s™ online campaign for real beauty was successful with few dollars. Influence is a new form of capital.
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Managers Need Three Networks
Managers need an operational network to get things done, a personal network of friends and colleagues, and a strategic network of internal and external relationships that helps you stay informed of events you may not be aware of, and connect the dots.
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Being Assertive
Being assertive is essential for communicating effectively, building relationships, and getting you more of what you deserve.
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The Five Sandwich Approaches to Delivering Feedback
Delivering feedback is challenging, but the task becomes less daunting when you can choose one of the five "sandwich" approaches.
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Delivering Bad News
For managers who have to deliver bad news, avoiding these five dysfunctional conversation types makes the process better for everyone.
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Effective Internal Communications
Communicating what’s going on inside the institution is tough, particularly when there’s not a need to know to do the job.
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Leadership: Know Yourself, Treat People Well and Listen
The sooner you know your strengths and weaknesses, the better you’re going to be.
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The Principle of Dialog + Listening
Are you having “nonversations”? Traci Fenton describes how to foster an environment of authentic dialogue and listening as part of a democratic organization.
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The Importance of a Human Connection in Negotiations
Negotiations are often difficult encounters, and can easily stall out or break off. But finding common ground and adding a human element to it, as Larry Dressler illustrates, can make all the difference.
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Leadership Lesson: You Must Ask the Right Questions to Adapt
Ask questions, listen to the answers, and adapt to the culture.
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Achieving Goals in Modern Management
Today, effective leaders must also have political intelligence, the art of making things happen through people you don’t control.
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Persuasive Presentations
At the basic level, giving a presentation is simple, but to make it truly effective, you need to take a few extra steps.
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How to Say No to Networking Requests
Responding to a barrage of networking requests requires thoughtful consideration and intentionality.
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Turn Around a Bad First Impression
A bad first impression can be difficult to overcome, but it can be done if you take the right steps.
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Networking at the Top
The higher you go up the professional ladder, the harder it is to connect with people you need to meet.
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Feedback You Should Ignore
When feedback is coming at you from all directions, how do you know what to listen to? Dorie Clark gives some advice on what you can ignore.
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How to Build a Diverse Network
Without diversity in your professional network, you risk becoming narrow-minded and missing opportunities.
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Networking for Introverts
You can do a lot of networking in just a little bit of time.
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Successful Managers Know How to Communicate
Successful managers share a common characteristic: excellent communication skills. Andy Mulholland explains the importance of these skills, and how they have changed over the years.
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Tame the Email Beast
When email takes over your day, these six tips for taming the email beast get you back to work.
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Keep Your Messages Clear and Concise
Comedy serves as a useful example of simplicity in communication.
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The Importance of Communication
To get the best out of your team, you have to communicate. And as Ian Watt describes, leaders can never communicate too much.
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How to Listen
When someone is speaking to you, respect and concentrate on the speaker. It is rare when we cannot learn something from others.
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How to Shift the Dynamic
When dealing with a difficult person—someone who impedes action—get beyond blame, stagnation, and resistance, to action.
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Dealing with Conflict: Move the Conversation Forward
When conversations get stuck, it’s often because of an issue no one wants to discuss. Acknowledge the issue. State the facts. This will help move the conversation forward.
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Influence: The Most Powerful Persuasion Techniques
David Taylor suggests using the persuasive techniques of reciprocity, two true statements, and incomplete communications.
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Emotional Intelligence
Don't trust logic. Instead, trust your own gut feelings about an individual or situation. You will rarely be wrong.
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Building Rapport and Trusted Relationships
Pay attention to the other person talking. When they stop, ask a question. Offer to help them achieve their goal.
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What Conversations Do I Choose?
Ask, what do I win if I "win" an argument? Is it worth it?
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Principle 1: Interrogate Reality
Before making any important decision, interrogate reality.
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Principle 4: Tackle Your Toughest Challenge Today
Confrontation is tough but can be clarifying and result in change.
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Principle 2: Come Out From Behind Ourselves and Into the Conversation
If you don't show up for the real conversation, you will miss the conversations that are essential to your success.
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Principle 3: Be Here Prepared to Be Nowhere Else
Be here in this conversation, prepared to be nowhere else.
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Principle 7: Let Silence Do the Heavy Lifting
Silence can be used in personal relations of all types. Ask, then listen.
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Principle 6: Take Responsibility for Your Emotional Wake
There are no trivial comments. Something you said that you can't remember may have emotional consequences.
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Tough Conversations
Every leader has to know how to steer a misfiring team back on track. Stephen Dando shares his insights into handling difficult situations.
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Networking Mistakes
1) Pay attention to the pecking order; be careful when making requests to meet people more powerful than you. 2) Give before asking to receive; offer value up front. 3) State your value proposition explicitly; what’s in it for the person you want to meet?
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Don't Just Inform
When you give a presentation, don’t just inform. Information can be provided in other ways. Instead, motivate your audience to take action, using an emotional connection. Politicians motivate you to vote for them through anger. Present to motivate, to impress, to entertain.
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It's Not What You Say
What you say is not as important as how you say it — how you use your voice, your face, your eyes, and your body. For example, lower your voice, slow down, and speak more quietly to bring impact. Smile, raise your voice, and speed up to make people feel good.
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You Are the Presentation
The presentation isn’t a set of slides or a document. It’s you. The audience isn’t coming for the media. They’re coming for you. Powerpoint slides are backdrop; don’t turn your back to the audience and ask for slide one. You are the show. Bring your passion. Bring your best.
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Send 'Em Out Singing
In a musical, the last song is catchy, with great lyrics, that sends the audience out singing. Do the same. Send your audience out with a thought or idea they can’t get out of their head. Karen demonstrates how and how not to end a presentation.
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Connect with Data
Reading numbers on a slide is boring. Tell the story the data represent, instead. People remember stories better than numbers. Karen gives the example of a restaurant manager who would not be able to eat in his own restaurant if the price of hamburgers went up.
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Tough Audience Tips
When the audience is angry, to make yourself and the audience feel better and keep the room under control keep breathing deeply, respond in a quiet, low voice, and use “yes-and” — YES I hear you AND that must make you feel… Tell me some more...
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Don't Tell a Joke
Humor is tough to pull off unless you’re really good at jokes. It takes timing, you need to know your audience will think it’s funny, and you must be careful not to offend someone. If your joke falls flat you will need to improvise. Use humor in low-risk situations.
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The Four Conversation Styles
When we speak, we use a style of communication that is assertive, aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive.
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The Role of Intuition and Experience in Decision Making
Trust people whose judgment is based on many decisions made in familiar environments with fast feedback.
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Effective Leadership: A Process of Continuous Self-Improvement
Marty Evans evaluates herself monthly with seven questions.
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Make Networking Work for You
Following six simple action steps can make networking easier and help you to achieve your goals.
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Championing
Everyone benefits from a positive, contented and creative workspace. Use time-tested communication elements to create a championing experience in your meetings.
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Read the Room
To engage your audience, you must be able to read the room.
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The Impact Of Strategic Storytelling
When conveying an important message, deliver the message via a story. Jay Conger provides tips for constructing a story that provides maximum recall of the intended message.
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Don't Deliver Bad News Badly
When delivering bad news, never sugar-coat the message. Paul Anderson shares examples of how people misinterpret messages that aren't delivered in a straightforward manner.
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Presenting Ideas at Meetings
Presenting a new idea? Here are four things you can do—or not do—to get others to say yes.
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The Angst of Negotiation
Negotiation is often seen as a negative situation, but a good negotiator knows how to make it more positive.
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Negotiation Prep
The majority of negotiation actually occurs before you ever get to the table.
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The Realistic Expectations of a Negotiation
With so much information available, it's easy to learn quite a lot about the party you're negotiating with.
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Zone of Possible Agreement
Paul Levy explains the ZOPA acronym.
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Job Negotiation for Women
Women are at an automatic disadvantage when it comes to salary negotiations, but a little preparation can make a big difference.
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Women and Negotiation
Debriefing after a negotiation helps both parties learn from the experience.
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Negotiating Across Cultures
Some factors in a negotiation change by culture, but others are common underlying principles in any situation.
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The Art of Negotiation
Negotiation has basic truths that underlie every situation, but each one also has distinct nuances that the negotiator needs to pay attention to.
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Negotiation: Trading on Differences
One of the best tools in a negotiator's pocket is the ability to trade on differences.
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When is the Negotiation Over?
How do you know when a negotiation is really over? Paul Levy shares how to close out a deal.
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Common Mistakes When Negotiating Your Job
A bad start to negotiating your salary can have a career-long impact, so it's important to get off on the right foot.
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Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement
Paul Levy explains what factors determine your best alternative to a negotiated agreement.
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Networking and Your Personal Brand
Networking to build your brand varies in significant ways from traditional marketing strategies.
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The Machine That Changed The World
One book gave John Neill the words to explain his ideas. By using "The Machine That Changed the World," he found a way to communicate lean thinking to employees at all levels.
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Strategies For Persuasion
Heather Loisel shares her tips for using persuasion to successfully gain the cooperation of others.
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How to Capture the Attention of Your Audience
Four simple changes can turn a lackluster presentation into one that exudes the confidence and trust your audience needs to see before they will believe in you.
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Feedback Swing: The Key to Giving Good Feedback
When giving feedback, leaders need to consider swing—the tendency of a person’s mood to swing positively or negatively in response to feedback. Otherwise, even the best feedback can be useless.
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Feedback Fatigue: Too Much of a Good Thing
Feedback is essential for growth and development, but too much feedback can stifle engagement and performance. Learn to prevent feedback fatigue.
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How to Say No
Although most people say “yes” when asked for help, there are valid reasons for saying “no”—and in some cases, declining a request actually means more than accepting it.
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Difficult People: Peacocks and Snakes
A peacock is a know-it-all who looks for recognition by putting other people down. Salespeople and lawyers can be peacocks. A snake manipulates people looking for power. Give them what they want — recognition or power — so they don’t have to steal it.
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Managing a Difficult Boss
When you know what the boss needs, your approach becomes more obvious. Some just want a summary. Others want your analysis and decision with the question, “What do you think?” Don’t just say, “No.” Negotiate. Offer options such as, “I can get it done by 4:00.”
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How to Find Your Blind Spots
First you must be open to feedback; that requires a safe environment. After that, techniques include 360 feedback, with outsiders; feedback from multiple sources; and feedback from trusted friends. You also need to reject a fixed mindset in favor of a growth mindset.
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Relating: Building a Network
Deborah Ancona discusses the power of networking within organizations to build a network. Google and W.L. Gore are examples of organizations with a focus on networking.
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Relating: Balancing Inquiry and Advocacy
Inquiry asks us to take the other person's perspective; advocacy requires you state your position to have a basis for dialogue. This allows us to work through conflict and leave with some sort of resolution.
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Distance Leadership: Leaders, Technology, Motivations and Management
In transnational, multicultural relations, the more frequent the communications the better.
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Breaking Discussion Strongholds
When an individual with status continually dominates the discussion, the strength to break their stronghold is found in numbers.
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Defuse Heated Discussions
To prevent a tense situation, build a consensus at the beginning of a process.
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Writing for Business
Don’t let your business writing join the ranks of bland and jargon-laden mediocrity when a few smart tips can lift it out of obscurity.
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The Habit of Cooperation
Organizations and people who are energized are great at cooperation and conversation.
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Be Graceful in Defeat
When you lose, remember to keep your cool. Kevin Oakes shares two stories about why being graceful in defeat can make you a winner in the long run.
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Networking: Making a Good Impression
All of life can be considered a networking event if you have the right perspective. Three simple tips help you make the most of unstructured and structured events.
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Take the Other Person's Perspective
Draw a capital E on your forehead with the forefinger of your dominant hand. If the E faces inward, you are less likely to take the other person’s perspective, and thus be less influential. When assigning tasks, remove obstacles and consider what’s in it for the employee.
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An Alternative to Persuasion
To persuade people we usually try to change their minds. Another way is to change their options.
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Use Social Cartography to Map Influence
To learn who has influence in a meeting, label a circle for each person, an X for every time that person speaks, and an arrow to the person being addressed. The person addressed the most is likely the person with the most influence, not the person who talks the most.
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Learning at the Speed of Trust: Relationship Trust
Trust is like a trust account. By behaving in ways that build trust, you make deposits into the trust account. By behaving in ways that diminish trust, you make withdrawals.
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The Power of Purpose to Persuade
A hospital tried three different signs to see which sign would persuade hospital personnel to wash their hands more. “Hand hygiene prevents patients from catching diseases” was more effective than “Hand hygiene prevents you from catching diseases” or a control sign.
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Talk Versus Behavior
You can’t talk your way out of something you behaved your way into. People watch whether you do what you say you are going to do. You have to behave yourself out of whatever you behaved your way into. You have to earn the trust of others.
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Seeing Negative Feedback as Caring
When you encounter negative feedback, it means someone cares enough about you to help you succeed. Change your mindset to show that you care, too.
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Zero Email Backlog
Getting control over your email has less to do with how many emails you get and more about how you process the email that comes in.
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How to Give and Receive Upward Feedback
At meetings, present your ideas in a neutral way, as by asking if they are any good, and how they can be improved. You can also appoint others as topic leader, facilitator, and devil’s advocate. This will shake up the hierarchy and encourage more candor.
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Public Speaking: Dynamic Openings
Wendy Warman describes seven types of opening statements.
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Public Speaking: Establishing the Main Ideas
Beliefs or concepts the audience must believe or understand will establish the main themes of your presentation.
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2. Reaching Out
Belle Halpern explains the importance of reaching out to others — listening for a personal, emotional connection, and listening for strengths and values.
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1. Getting Present
Belle Halpern describes the first element of The Ariel Group PRES model - Getting Present
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Public Speaking: Establish Your Objectives
Wendy Warman describes the importance of establishing your objectives at the beginning of your presentation.
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Email Etiquette 2: Don't copy over someone's head
Don't copy over someone's head.
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Email Etiquette 1: Don't Use Email to Deliver Bad News
Don't use email to deliver bad news.
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Email Etiquette 10: Don't be cryptic. Use proper English
Don't be cryptic. Use proper grammar.
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Email Etiquette 7: Don't write War and Peace
Don't write "War and Peace."
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Five Steps to Building Your Network
Everyone agrees that a good network is important, so Scott Eblin offers five tips to help you improve your networking skills.
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Women and Networking
Although networking is important, women either aren't doing it or they're doing it wrong.
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Handle Resistance in Yourself and Others
Conversations occur on three levels: the content, the other person's emotional reaction to the content, and your emotional reaction to the content and the other person. Try to get your own emotions out of the way, then be a participant observer to levels one and two.
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Three Surprising Skills of Collaboration
Show your intention to collaborate. 1) Tell the truth with good will; share your views honestly. 2) Show understanding by taking the other person's side; this will require listening. 3) Own your own contribution to the problem.
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How to Shift the Dynamic in a Room
People may be avoiding a difficult question because they are polarized, speeding to avoid it, or stalling because no one wants to go first. If you don’t want to state the question yourself, try to get it on the table in neutral language, perhaps as a “third story.”
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The Art of Finding and Developing Your Allies
The people with the most relationships are the people with the most influence.
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How to Influence People You Don't Control
Six magic words: "Everyone expects to be paid back." Assume everyone is an ally if you know what they value. Align their values with what you control.
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Ways People Lose Influence and Give Away Power
See every other person as a potential ally.
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Building Your Network: Create Depth and Breadth
You need a posse—a half dozen people you know well and can call on for immediate help. The problem with the posse is, they’re all like you. You also need a big ideas crowd—people who are different from you. That requires that you to go outside your normal network.
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The Three Types of Networks We will All Need
In the future we will need three sorts of networks: a posse—a few people we can contact quickly to help us solve problems; a big ideas crowd—people who are different from us; and a regenerative community—people we love and who love us.
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Build Networks Based on Your Values
Looking for people to help your own career cheapens both of you. When a person inspires you, record when and why. Offer to help that person in a way that is consistent with your values. Sincerity is key. This is more powerful than reaching out from self interest.
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When You Don't Go There
When someone says, “Don’t go there,” it’s important to go there. Going there helps your business grow.
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Conversations Are About Relationships
We used to think about conversations as information. Rather, it’s about building relationships. We form impressions of people within the first 0.07 seconds, before we say anything. View conversations as gardens where we nurture and grow relationships.
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No Need to Respond
The average workers spend a third of their time writing and responding to email. If you’re just passing along info, enter NNTR in the subject line: No Need to Respond. People will know it’s information, not a conversation. NNTR has cut time on email by 20 percent.
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Emotions Are More Important than Facts
Tom talks about a negotiation during a six-week strike. He was lead negotiator, in his twenties, with a bodyguard. He lost twenty pounds. Looking back, he thinks the facts in the negotiation don’t matter that much. It’s how you manage the emotions at the table.
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Social Networks for Customers
Joie de Vivre hotels has a social network for its customers that encourages exchanges for travel advice, etc., and provides e-mail addresses of every manager and an electronic matchmaker for hotels and local events. They also hold meetings and quarterly events.
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Powerful Presentations
When you make a presentation, 55 percent of your message is nonverbal. The body language should match the message.
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The Four Minute Rule
The four minute rule says you have only four minutes to make a good impression.
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Transforming your Communication
Forty percent of people make sense of the world visually, 40 percent kinesthetically, 20 percent through sound.
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How to Get Honest Feedback at the C Level
CEOs should recruit a couple of confidants in the company, who tell them what’s really going on. Also, they should ask an open-ended question every time they meet someone. Over time, this demonstrates that they’re open to receiving news, both good and bad.
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Open Communication Is Key To Engaging Your People
Good communication is one of the simplest and most effective tools a leader has at his disposal. Robert Milliner reminds leaders that encouraging an open dialogue with employees brings harmony to an organization and provides an edge over competitors.
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The Importance Of Listening
When you truly listen, what you hear may surprise you. Phillipa Foster Back recounts an important lesson from her early career that taught her the value of active listening.
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Negotiating: Both Sides Need to Feel Pain and Pleasure
Negotiation involves both fairness and respect. Both sides need to feel the pain and pleasure after a negotiation and walk away satisfied, but not bullied into making the deal.
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The Art Of Listening
A leader's ability to listen to staff and create an environment where staff know their ideas and solutions are desired can lead to improved productivity, work performance, and enjoyment, explains Myles Downey.
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Clarity Of Intent
If you want to have a successful meeting, Myles Downey says, then be clear on your intent going in.
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Give Customer Strategy A Simple Framework
Simplify the message of value that your company offers to clients. Barbara D. Stinnett suggests how to convey complex solutions in an easy to understand, customer-centric fashion.
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Communicating Using Mindfulness
Being mindful, instead of multitasking, makes for everyday communication that improves performance.
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Breaking Down Silos
Create opportunities for individuals from disparate groups to communicate their ideas, interests and concerns in a safe environment.
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Just Listen! How to Connect and Get Through to Anyone
In order to build stronger relationships and gain more powerful connections, focus on listening and understanding.
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The Power of Feedback
Keith argues that most people are quite afraid of honest feedback, but the best thing you can do with those you trust is to ask for their most honest feedback.
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Creating Instant Intimacy
Keith Ferrazzi describes how to accelerate strong relationships by focusing on something about that person which engages you such that you genuinely care.
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Influence Comes from Trust
Influence comes from trust. Trust comes from vulnerability, e.g., “I don’t know; what do you think?” People who are asked are more engaged. Sue Powell tells of a boss who asked everyone for his or her opinion, but were told to act as if the final decision were theirs.
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Team Talk: Communicating Top to Bottom
To ensure messages would be delivered throughout, a CEO briefed the 400 top managers every month. Those managers briefed managers the next layer down within five days, and so on, layer by layer, each within five days. The process took five weeks.
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Great Leaders Listen
Some CEO’s hold small group breakfasts, where everyone in the company is invited to talk about what it’s like to work there, and what changes are needed. There’s a difference between hearing and listening. Real listening comes from a place of curiosity.
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High Performers Need More Feedback
High performers are paid more than low performers. They should also receive more non-monetary rewards, especially feedback, because they are motivated more by challenges, by a purpose, and by working with A-players than by money.
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Five Steps to Building Your Network
To build your network, 1) make it relevant for others by 2) stating your goal or need, 3) making a clear request, and 4) offering to help the other person. This 5) builds and sustains trust over time.
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Go On A Listening Tour
To establish good relations not just with the team members but also throughout the organization, go on a listening tour.
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Why Simple is Better
Common-sense explanations that are easily understood are better than charts, graphs, statistics, and regression equations.
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The Power of Emergence and Weak Ties
Most of us have strong ties with a small number of co-workers. Weak ties know different things and different people. Try them first.
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Getting Access to Powerful People
Start with a bold direct approach. Allan Cohen gives two examples.
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Building Your Network
Networks are made up of reciprocal relationships. People with the most relationships are the most influential.
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Stay Close to your People: Provide Direction, Speak Less and Listen More
Jay Wright has learned from one of the best in the business--his own father-in-law--to speak less, listen more, and value his coworkers.
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Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
First understand the problem at a deep level before offering advice.
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Habit 4: Think Win/Win
Win/win means agreements are mutually beneficial and mutually satisfying.
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Using Positive Psychology to Communicate
How you say something is just as important as what you say, says Sue Langley. She notes the type of communication that is most productive and that most positively impacts a person--even if that communication is negative.
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Listening at Three Levels
Leaders need to listen to what people say, ask questions to learn what it means, but then rise above to understand what’s really going on—the content, the concept, and the context.
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I Hate it Here!
No manager likes to deal with poor performance. But there are ways to do it, says Robert Mosher, that shows the company values the employee and is looking for the best outcome for that employee.
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Honesty Even When it's Difficult
Being honest and candid isn’t always easy. But, as Robert Mosher relates, it is of vital importance to a leader.
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Feedback in Person Only
E-mail is a tool that’s fine for sharing information. But as William Mitchell cautions, it’s a poor choice for giving feedback to employees.
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Physical Signals in Conversations
Judith Glaser demonstrates physical positions and gestures we make in response to others, what those acts signal about what’re we’re thinking, and what is happening in our brains.
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Healthy Conversations
In a level #1 healthy conversation we exchange information non-judgmentally, just trying to connect. Level #2 is a positional conversation; one of us is advocating a position. Level #3 is a transformational conversation, where we are willing to be influenced by each other.
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Managing Fear in Yourself and Others
Fear triggers cortisol, which works for 26 hours. Interrupt the pattern. Reframe the moment. Label it. Ask what the fright means for you. Refocus. Redirect. If you see others frightened, be present for them. Explain what’s going on and what it means for them.
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Three Levels of Listening
We go inside ourselves every 12-18 seconds while listening to others. That’s noise-in-the-attic listening. Face-value listening is where we think we’re telling each other facts but we’re not. Positional listening is listening for our position in a group discussion.
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Responding to People with Power
If the other person is imposing on our space we may assert our own power in our posture or voice, mimic the person’s power gestures, or manipulate the flow of power by invading the other person’s space.
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Practice Conversational Intelligence in LAPS
L = Listen to connect without judging. A = Ask questions for which we don’t have answers, such as, “What if?” P = Priming. For example, send questions before attending the meeting. S = Sustaining conversational agility skills, such as reframing a conversation.
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Improv Tips for Better Presentations
Dynamic, engaging presentations start with dynamic and engaging presenters. Apply these three tips from improv to build the audience connections that set you apart from the crowd.
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How to Influence Strategy
The energy, attitude, and language leaders bring to the table influences strategy, from the idea phase all the way through execution. Make sure you’re pulling people instead of pushing them away.
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The Two Most Important Things When Giving a Presentation
Do not use a speech as an information dump. We can only remember only about four things.
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Four Steps to a Charismatic Presentation
Nick Morgan details the four steps to a charismatic presentation. 1. Be open. 2. Be connected. 3. Be passionate. 4. Listen.
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Involve Your Audience
Do not hide behind the lectern. You can’t connect with your audience well from there. Get them involved. Ask questions, ask for a show of hands, ask them to tell their stories about whatever it is you are talking about.
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Mindsets to Bring to Conflicts
Bring a mindset of “resolutionary” thinking to conflicts: abundance—everyone gets what they need; creative solutions; openness and full disclosure; personal responsibility for the situation; and teaching and learning instead of combat.
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A Good Interpersonal-Skills Toolbox
Caring about others as individuals trumps everything. Other interpersonal skills include using “I” messages, knowing how you want the person to feel and do, using nonverbal communications and, very important, listening.
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Elements of Good Agreements
Elements of a good agreement are intention and vision—where you are going; personal responsibilities, individual actions, metrics defining success, how we will resolve conflicts, renegotiating for continuous alignment, and disclosing concerns and fears.
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Conflict Resolution and Negotiation
Conflicts are resolved through negotiation. Negotiation is not a game to be won or lost. The best negotiators put all their cards on the table and try to learn what the other side wants. Both sides then work collaboratively to figure a way to give the other side what it wants.
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Good Communication Is the Lifeblood of Any Organization
Just as blood provides energy to the body, good communication provides energy to the organization. In a survey of the best places to work, good communication identified the most effective organizations. Relations at Herman Miller are based on covenants.
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The Laws of Agreement
The laws of agreement are: we collaborate through effective agreements; we can be more effective if we agree about what we’re doing together, what our vision is, and how we’re going to get there; and we resolve new conflicts through new agreements.
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The Critical Skill of Listening
Listening is an active skill, not a passive activity. Effective listeners are curious. Ask good questions. Repeat back what you think they said. Notice the body language. Feel their emotion. Spend a day listening. Do unto others as they would do unto themselves.
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The Most Powerful Form of Negotiation is Reciprocity
The most powerful form of ongoing negotiations is to give the other side what it wants, and to help them understand what you want and how they can give it to you. It’s not about hiding the ball or being macho; it’s about sharing and open communication.
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Playing Communication Games
Senders convey negative feedback through games like It’s-My-Duty. The Sandwich game sandwiches negative feedback between positive comments. The Detective game asks do-you-remember questions. Receivers play the Wounded Animal and Ally Builder games.
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On-the-Level Communication
On-the-level communication is purposeful, direct, respectful, and carries shared responsibility. Givers and receivers both need reflective skills—observing, listening, and empathizing—and expressive skills—questioning, describing, and concluding.
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Communication is a Two-Way Process
Communication is as much about listening and repeating what you hear as it is about telling.
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“Yes, and...” Versus “Yes, but...”
Is there a difference between “Yes, and...” and “Yes, but...”? Yes, and it’s the difference between inclusivity and exclusivity.
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Be More Charismatic
Alisa Cohn says that charismatic people are like magnets, pulling people and opportunities toward them. Fortunately, anyone can learn to improve their charisma.
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To Influence Others Listen More
To influence others, listen to them. It’s a form of respect. They will reciprocate with respect by listening to you. Salespeople say, “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.” It’s true. Encourage others to say more.
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Tying Role Clarity to Internal Customer Service
When two people or groups are in a customer-provider relationship, such as a boss and subordinate or two groups in different silos, let each person or group tell the other what they want and what they don’t want. The exercise improves internal customer service.
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Three Communication Building Blocks
Leadership works through the currencies of communication and relationships. To build your communication currency, develop a clear message so your audience knows where you want them to go, target the message to the audience, and deliver it with veritas.
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Ask for Feedback
Leaders who ask for feedback are seen as more effective — stronger and more competent, not weaker. One manager would buttonhole an employee and say, “Tell me something you think I don’t know and don’t want to hear.” Clearly not fishing for a compliment.
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Giving Feedback
Men don’t like feedback; it makes them feel bad. Women don’t like feedback because it says they’re not perfect. But those who feel safe like feedback. It helps them learn and grow. Start feedback by talking about the person’s strengths, and how they can grow stronger.
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Communication 101, 102, 103, and 104
Talk with people, not above, at, or to them.
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Live Event: Invisible Influence: The Hidden Forces that Shape Behavior
This Live Event was originally broadcast on April 24, 2018.
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Presence—Actors Have It, Leaders Need It
Leadership isn't about acting, but leaders who can take cues about their presence will captures people's attention and perform better.
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How Do Your Intentions and Impact Match Up?
Sometimes there is a gap between what we intend to convey and the impact that we end up having, so clarifying your intentions is essential.
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Have Difficult Conversations Early and Often
Managers should have difficult conversations as soon as possible and as often as possible.
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Cultural Communication
Because people from different cultures have different values and customs, it’s important to know how to communicate properly.
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Use Outlines to Improve Communication
The best communications have a strong framework consisting of an outline, supporting points, and a conclusion.
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Every Interaction Leaves a Mark
In every social interaction you leave a mark, and you need to make the most of those impressions.
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Giving Constructive Feedback
Giving constructive feedback that others hear and act on calls for a nonthreatening, observation-based approach.
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Positive Feedback in Four Steps
You can give positive feedback, a critical component of high-performing workplaces, by following four straightforward steps.
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Don't Be Nice with Your Feedback, Be Helpful
Giving feedback is about being helpful, not about being nice.
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Skills for a Difficult Conversation
Self-control, empathy, and assertiveness are all traits that can help you get through a difficult conversation.
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Difficult Conversations
Use Peter Bregman's rule of three to know when it is time to have a difficult conversation.
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Preparing for an Effective Presentation
Richard Goring offers tips that will make your presentations more engaging and more memorable. It all starts with preparation.
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Powerful Presentation Openings
A successful presentation starts with a focus on your audience and what they care about, not a laundry list of your qualifications.
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Follow-Up, Don't Stalk
Follow-up is polite; stalking is aggressive and nearly always unsuccessful.
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Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking
Diane Darling shares her advice about how she was able to conquer her fear of speaking in front of others.
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Writing Emails That Get a Response
Use these four simple tips to write an e-mail that increases the chance of a positive response to your request.
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Networking Mistakes
Before you attend your next event, be sure you are not making these common networking mistakes.
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Seven Elements of Effective Networking
Networking is more than just attending events, and the acronym DARLING can help you remember seven key points to making it effective.
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Deep Listening is Critical to an Effective Partnership
A great collaboration starts with trust and openness at all levels in the organizations.
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Getting Feedback and Enabling Success: Ask 'How Am I Doing?'
Steve Strout shares an exercise he did upon his one year anniversary with the organization to elicit open and honest feedback. As a leader you're there to help employees be successful. In order to do that you must ask them "How can I help you be more successful?"
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Avoiding or Seeking Conflict
Your choice to seek or avoid confrontation often depends on the situation, but it starts with your personality.
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Reframe Difficult Conversations
Reframe a difficult conversation as an opportunity to gain something and it will be easier to have.
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How to Open a Conversation
Fumbling the opening of a difficult conversation sets the stage for failure.
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Dealing with Direct People
Conflict avoiders can still make sure their voices are heard with just a few simple adjustments.
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Leaning Into Conflict
Conflict seekers often intimidate conflict avoiders, so extra consideration is needed when a hard conversation has to take place.
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Dealing with Different Types of Conflict
Conflicts come in many forms. Amy Gallo identifies the four most common that happen at work.
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Words to Use in Tough Conversations
Words have the power to create a solution or cause a virtual train wreck, so they need to be chosen carefully.
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Beware the Joy of Talking
In general, people who talk the most say they learn the most and like their peers the most. These “conversational narcissists” steer the discussion. To deepen the discussion, make supportive assertions (“Interesting!”) and questions (“How did you get interested?”).
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Effective Communication is Key to Becoming a Better Teammate
When you’re flying an F-16, you can’t see threats behind you, but your wingmen can. Similarly, you can see what’s in their blind spots. As a leader, be open to threats that others see. Get your ego out of the way. Be decisive. Speed is life, whether in combat or in business.
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Appreciative Inquiry Brings Out the Best
To bring out the best in others, ask generative questions that create innovations for change.
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The Myth of the Tough Negotiator
The person who slams his fist on the table doesn’t get the deal done.
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Communication is Key to Successful Leadership
Leadership requires courage and confidence because sometimes you’re unpopular.
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How to Convince People of Your Ideas
Don't try to convince others with facts and numbers. Instead, appeal to their own experience.
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What Makes a Great Presentation
Don't begin with facts and statistics. Instead, use a compelling human example.
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Don't Bury the Lead
State your ideas simply in the lead paragraph.
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Made to Stick
Ideas that are unexpected, concrete, and easy to visualize are "sticky" -- easy to remember.
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Stories Aren't Entertainment, They're Flight Simulators
Don't use stories as dessert. They should be the main course.
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Preparing for High Stakes Situations
When preparing for a presentation or other high-stakes situation, focus on how you speak more than what you say. Tap into your belief in your message, so you can present it with confidence. Practice power poses before you walk in; they configure your brain for success.
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Earning Relationships
To build a relationship and not just a transaction, use the rules of romance.
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Better Feedback
The negative stereotypes about giving and receiving feedback needs to change.
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Be a Better Communicator
Being a more effective leader means being a more effective communicator.
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Better Listening
Being an effective listener isn't about better skills; it's about better habits.
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Five Principles That Shape Conversations
By taking time for self-reflection and applying five basic principles, you can positively shape your conversations to improve relationships and workplace outcomes.
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Best Practices for Great Conversations
To encourage dialogue that engages and connects people at all levels, add positive framing and generative inquiry to your conversations.
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A New Way of Thinking and Working
A better understanding of psychology and physiology can have a positive impact on people and performance.
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People Want to Work With You
How do you get people on your side in a matter of seconds? It starts with a compelling story.
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Don't Imagine It, Do It
Discover how to capture someone's mind, time, and dime in sixty seconds or less with Horn’s quick tips.
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Get Others to Say, “Tell Me More”
Stop opening with your bio. Instead, start with intrigue to gain audience buy-in.
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True Humor
If you aren't funny, don't tell jokes. True humor works better.
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Help Instead of Hurt
Even with the best of intentions, your words can hurt—here's a better way to help.
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Initiatives at Lower Levels
The best initiatives are driven at a lower level because higher management isn’t as close to the customer. Staying close to the front line is one of the greatest and most rewarding leadership challenges.
